The Monkey Cage

As someone who lives in Orange County, where fast food and, generally speaking, really bad food dominates, I think it actually is both a supply and a demand problem.

The demand side affects the supply, so let’s start there. Demand: simply put, people eat untasty food. You note the lines at the best bagel place, but I note that the bad ones stay in business. Thus, the consumers aren’t all that discriminating. This affects the supply side because the purveyors are, themselves, consumers. They taste their own products in an effort to gauge how successful a product will be. Thus, the problem occurs on the supply side as well because the suppliers often don’t know what tastes good. Also, just because NYC is only a few hours away, that’s a LOT of money to spend for something that likely wouldn’t change sales enough to justify the cost.

Now, all this presumes that there is an objective “good” taste in various cuisines. If you accept that taste is all subjective, then the answer is simple: some people just like different things, and the market provides different things.

Having lived in Berkeley, San Francisco, and Orange County, I tend to the normative taste view.

De gustibus non est disputandum.

Bethesda Bagels has long lines for two reasons.

(1) It has the best bagels hereabouts. By far.

(2) It’s in Montgomery County, MD, which has a very large Jewish population. Presumably these folks, being Chosen, know their bagels. (I do confess to being a consumer of, among other things, granola bagels — a goyische concoction that no one who is seriously Jewish could possibly acknowledge as a bagel. I try to avoid such weighty philosophical issues and concentrate instead on the fact that they taste good.) Anyway, the WASPY folks who grew up without bagels are content with Lenders and other inferior products, or with donut store versions of bagels that are really donuts in disguise. That is, because Jews are such a small proportion of the population in most places, there’s a demand for “bagels” that would be laughed out of court in New York City but seem pretty good — maybe even a little exotic — in Des Moines, Orange County, Dublin, and other such culturally deprived places.

Having recently left DC to come to NYC, I feel I can weigh in here.

If you are on the otherside of the river and want great bagels in Arlington, look no further than Brooklyn Bagel on Wilson Blvd in Courthouse.

Try living in Detroit. (And I mean that on many levels, try). Not a good bagel within 500 miles. Midwesterners think chewy or crunchy means stale. Bread here is made with the geriatric crowd in mind.

About 15 years ago, there was a good bagel place near Dupont Circle, the name of which I can’t remember. I think its now a Fudruckers. Maybe that says something about supply and demand.

And Lee, I think you raise an important larger point about the goyische bagels. My dad taught me that the only real bagels were poppy, sesame, salt, and onion. To him cinnamon raisin bagels were goyische bagels. Like you, I enjoy a granola bagel from time to time, but not without guilt. At the same time, I can’t help but cringe when my son asks for a blueberry bagel…

Granola bagels?

I don’t know from Bethesda Bagels or Brooklyn Bagel. The best bagels you can get in the DC metropolitan region are from H&H. Yes, that H&H, hailed by many as the best bagels in NYC. They ship them half-baked and frozen to several local stores, which then bake them and sell them. Two places that carry them are Calvert-Woodley (in the district) and Arrowine (in Arlington). The price at Calvert-Woodley is lower than the price at H&H.

Adam:

I would pass your father’s test: I live for salt bagels, though I scrape most of the salt off before eating them.

Philocyclist:

Okay, you’ve laid it on the line. The Calvert Woodley store is where my wife buys the enormous quantities of beer that she consumes (1/2 bottle before dinner, the rest of the bottle later in the evening). On our next stop there (which at her rate of beer consumption could be quite a while from now), I am going to purchase a few of the vaunted H&H bagels. If they’re as good as you say, I’ll thank you publicly. If not, I’ll send you the bill.

Lee - I’d push back on the slur against Dublin, but having had to eat what they have the nerve to call bagels the last time I went there, I have to admit that it’s a fair cop. Dublin has had three Jewish lord mayors in the last few decades(including Ben Briscoe who I think was the source of the famous Yogi Berra story), but, to the best of my knowledge, no bagel bakers who weren’t complete louses at their job.

And given the above, I am decidedly skeptical about the demand side explanations proffered above. If even an Irishman can be taught to appreciate the joys of a truly good bagel, surely the average American can too …

Henry: But this missionary work takes time. I suppose the non-Chosen ones need to start out with something familiar to them — e.g., donut-like barely-edibles or tasty bread abominations — before they can be led to The Finer Things like real bagels.

On a separate but related note, I am pleased to note that a friend brought me a present of Hydrox a couple of days ago. Brand new ones.

I live in Montgomery County, MD (as it happens, in one of the less affluent parts of the county) — I also grew up in Montgomery County, MD (in Bethesda, in fact) — and I’ve never stood in line at Bethesda Bagels. I’m not sure if I’ve ever even been to Bethesda Bagels. I just. don’t. care. that much about bagels, and there must be plenty of others, Jewish and non-Jewish, who share my view. The idea that everyone who had a bar (or bat) mitzvah is addicted to NY-style bagels, and will stand in line for them, is false. The ‘demand side explanations’ are almost certainly correct.

Lee, you’re not alone. I live for a good cinnamon-raisin bagel. I am often ridiculed by my fellow MOTs for this, but what can I say? They’re just yummy.

Bagel City in Rockville is passable; Parkway Deli (on Grubb off of East-West) is better, although I’m not sure whether they make their bagels or acquire them from somewhere else.

How about a post on “half-sours”? Are good ones still available? Where? Or a recipe?

Dan: Bagel City = below the line for me. Parkway is okay, but if you’re driving to Parkway for bagels, drive a couple extra miles to Bethesda.

Shag: Sorry, I have no pickle expertise. Perhaps Henry can clue us in on the Irish equivalent of half sours, or another reader can contribute some information?

The “Irish equivalent of half sours” is just a cucumber sliced with a dash of vinegar and a little salt. Since there do not seem to be any Irish delis, I have no idea of Irish pickling that does not involve brews.

H&H the best bagel in NYC??????? Yikes. They’re successful, but that doesn’t mean that they’re the best. Their bagels are sweet. Bagels, true bagels—bagels that can be proud of the name and wear their cream cheese with pride—should not be sweet. All others are relegated to the category of Torus of Bread (or TOB). There are many wonderful and delicious TOBs to be bought and devoured, and some of them include such ingredients as raisins, sweetened cranberries, or butterscotch chips. But bagels they are not.

Since my brother’s family lives in southern Md., I will ask him whether Bethesda Bagels truly has bagels or just TOBs.